This is a list of funny lines heard at poker tables collated from numerous Poker forums.
Corollary to the “threes are hot tonight” line, the other night I heard a regular say, after a player picked up, “I’m taking the 1 seat. That seat is HOT!”
2 friends sitting at the same table…”Hey Joe, you sat down 15 minutes ago, aren’t you going to say hello?” Joe says, “Oh, Steve! Hi, how are you? I didn’t recognize you…you’ve got chips in front of you!”
“I hate playing pocket aces, ’cause they never win” (Heard someone preaching this while I was raising the pot with pocket aces. I won the pot.)
Guy who limped 4/5 hands and raised the others. “You can’t win if you don’t see the flop.”
“So I raise before the flop, and he calls, the flop comes duece, rag, rag….”
“There’s no such thing as bad cards, just bad flops”
“I watch this game on the Travel Channel…I just lost $270…” – “Don’t watch the Travel Channel”
“Want to know how to make a ton of money? Just sit on the racebook all day and bet the #4 horse.” (The #4 horse went on to win the next 3 consecutive races.)
“I just like to see big pots.” (Justification for raising pre-flop every hand.)
I heard this on Saturday night. 4 ways on the river, checked around to the drunk button who says, “How much can I bet?” Various people at the table reply with some form of it’s 5/10 limit, $10. He says, “How much? I bet the pot,” and is reminded it’s a limit game. He says, “Crap. I was told this is pot limit. You can’t bluff anyone in limit. I check.”
“I had to call, I had jacks.” (Justification for calling to river with pocket jacks, despite raises from other players with A and K on board.)
“Only crap wins at this table.”
“You’re raising before the flop? Before the flop? You haven’t even seen the flop yet, and you’re raising? What could you possibly have that you would raise without having even seen the flop!?”
“This is called Poker. You wanna sure thing, go find your mother.”
A guy who called his whole stack after FOUR players were already all-in preflop. Board ends up having two fives, and he drags down the huge pot with 2-5 of diamonds: – “I figured everyone else had all the good cards, so my cards were going to flop.”
“Last time I played live, I heard two guys discussing how 5-10 was an awesome hand because it made every possible straight.”
“Joe, why the hell did you call with that?” – Joe: “I don’t like it when people just win the blinds.”
A player asks how do you win the bad beat jackpot? Someone pipes up and says: By not raising preflop!
River brings the third 7 on the board. Player A bets some amount, Player B just calls him (we’re playing NL). Player A flips up JJ for full house, Player B shows K7 for quads. The table is incredulous.
“Why the hell didn’t you raise him?”
“I thought he might fold”